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KW_為什麼我老想攻擊最親的人?
文章 專欄版編/發表於 2017 02/24, 12:46  
     

    問:
      我對身邊的親朋好友,總懷有攻擊的念頭,這難道就是諺語所說的「近之則不遜」?《課程》是如何看待「攻擊自己所依賴的人」這種事情?

    答:
      《奇蹟課程》的觀點始終如一:不論遇到什麼情況、打擊目標是誰,發動攻擊的一定是小我。攻擊的欲望源自我們通常蟄伏在潛意識裡的自我認定——我是十惡不赦的罪人,必須自行了斷。這一自我譴責的聲音分分秒秒折磨著我們,令我們不得不投射出去,移花接木,相信他人才該受攻擊:「你若不相信自己會受到攻擊,怎會想到去攻擊別人?你何苦如此?這對你有何益處?那豈是你想要的結局?謀害別人怎會帶給你任何益處?」 (T.31.III.2:7,8,9,10,11)。〈正文〉這一節題為「自我譴責」,總結了小我這一調虎離山之計的核心動力,它將我們的目光轉向心外,使我們無從療癒錯誤的自我信念,反而盯著他人的身體和行為,認定他們是導致我們不幸的罪魁禍首。

      我們對於必須依賴之人懷有敵意,正源自上述動力。更有甚者,我們還會對某種物質或者醫療技術萌生敵意(在不少個案中,案主恨透了他們的透析機)。依賴關係會勾出我們極深的脆弱感,突顯出我們「無法自給自足」的存在本質,讓我們倍感威脅。因此,我們倒打一耙,反身攻擊那些暴露我們的弱點與限制的人。然而,一旦心生此念,內心衝突在所難免,甚至異常強烈:我們一方面想將那些人除之而後快,一方面又知道自己根本做不到,因為我們仍然需要他們。為此,我們採取迂迴策略,對敵意加以偽裝,比如隱形攻擊。

      《課程》指出,我們對他人心生敵意還有一個原因:我們認定這些人擁有我們欠缺之物,暗暗譴責他們偷走了我們的寶貝,小我瘋狂思想體系的第四條無明法則(T.23.II.9,10,11)在此昭然若揭。這一小我機制使我們相信憤怒和攻擊是理所應當的,畢竟我們只是自衛,奪回自己本有之物,何罪之有?

      小我把身體設計成必須依賴外界才能存活,基本的生理和心理需求若得不到滿足,身體就無法繼續運作。這使得「依存關係」成為每一個人都必須面對的課題。小我秘而不宣的目的,當然是藉此把我們禁錮在身體世界之中,永遠流落於心靈之外;因為,一旦我們回歸心靈,就會識破小我的詭計,揭開自我的真相,明白我們唯一的需求,其實只是化解「我曾如此自私自利,切斷了與造物主的連結」的錯誤信念。

      因此,化解小我,始於我們願意與耶穌一起觀看孳生了這些心態和信念的思想體系,進而向耶穌求助,學習接納祂的思想體系。耶穌親自告訴我們,我們以祂為師,依賴於祂,只是暫時的,祂的目的是讓我們在靈性的引導下,恢復「我們都是上主的一體聖子」的覺知:「我所有的一切,沒有一樣你不能得到。我所有的一切,也無一不是來自上主。此外,我一無所有,這是我們目前不同之處。就是這一點使我的境界對你而言仍是有待開發的潛能。」 (T.1.II.3:10,11,12,13)

    選自/奇蹟課程基金會問答服務
    翻譯/紅雲
    校譯/詩萌、慧軍、若水
    中文潤飾/一心


    Q #1339 Why do we so often feel like attacking those closest to us?.

    Q #1339: I've been thinking about attacking people who are close to me, family, friends, etc. You know the expression, "Familiarity breeds contempt"? What does the course say about us attacking those we depend on?

    A: A Course in Miracles is consistent in teaching that attack is always of the ego, regardless of circumstances and the person or persons to whom it is directed. The need to attack others comes from our usually unconscious perception of ourselves as guilty sinners deserving of attack ourselves, because we are unforgivable. We therefore project this self-accusation onto others and feel justified in attacking them: “If you did not believe that you deserved attack, it never would occur to you to give attack to anyone at all. Why should you? What would be the gain to you? What could the outcome be that you would want? And how could murder bring you benefit?” (T.31.III.2:7,8,9,10,11). This section in the text, “The Self-Accused,” summarizes this central dynamic in the ego's strategy to keep our focus from the mind, where our mistaken beliefs about ourselves can be healed, and focused instead on other people's bodies and deeds that clearly seem to be the reasons for our problems and unhappiness.

    The hostility we feel toward those on whom we depend is a specific aspect of this dynamic. This type of hostility can be associated with a substance and even medical technology (there have been cases of people who developed hostility toward their dialysis machines). What is triggered in us in dependency relationships is a very deep sense of vulnerability and threat. In other words, being dependent on others exposes the precarious nature of our existence -- that we are not self- sufficient. We therefore would want to attack those who expose our weaknesses and limitations. The conflict can become rather intense because however much we wish to destroy these people, we know we can't go through with it, because we still need them. We therefore will come up with other ways of acting out our hostility, through passive aggression, for example.

    Another reason for the hostility, from the Course's point of view, is that we perceive these others as having something we lack, and we would secretly accuse them of having stolen it from us first, the fourth law of chaos in the ego's insane thought system (T.23.II.9,10,11). This ego dynamic would lead us to believe our anger and attack are justified, as a form of self-defense; we would feel completely innocent in attacking to get back what rightfully belongs to us.

    We all have to deal with dependency issues, as that is the way the body was made, both physically and psychologically. We all have basic physical and psychological needs which must be met if we are to survive. The ego's secret purpose in this, of course, is to keep us rooted in the world and the body, so that we will never return to the mind where we would have an excellent chance of uncovering the falsity of these beliefs about who we are and what our true and only need is, which is simply to undo our false belief that we separated from our Creator in an act of extreme selfishness. Thus, the ego's undoing begins with our willingness to look with Jesus at the insanity of the thought system that harbors these beliefs and attitudes, and then ask for help to accept his thought system instead. Jesus himself tells us that our dependency on him as our teacher is only temporary, as his aim is to help us get to the place spiritually where we regain our awareness that we are all the one Son of God: “There is nothing about me that you cannot attain. I have nothing that does not come from God. The difference between us now is that I have nothing else. This leaves me in a state which is only potential in you” (T.1.II.3:10,11,12,13).

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