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KW_怎樣才能放下痛苦的往事和回憶?
文章 專欄版編/發表於 2014 10/30, 00:00  
     

    問:
      我知道《奇蹟課程》根本的目標在於導正知見,從而導正經驗。然而,即使我頭腦上理解,情感上卻做不到。有些往事還留在我心裡,有時讓我非常沮喪,極難釋懷。我怎樣才能放手?「不想」就行了嗎?還是當做那些事沒發生過?時不時,這些問題會再冒出來,我似乎無力改變自己的反應。我被搞得精疲力盡,人際關係也連帶遭殃。請救救我!

    答:
      把「目的論」帶進來,能讓你的處境明朗化。耶穌告訴我們:「唯有寧靜的心才可能憶起上主。這記憶不可能出現於衝突的心中,因為與自己為敵的心靈無法憶起永恆的溫柔。」(T.23.I.1:1,2)有一部份的我們想要憶起自己在上主內的真實身分,另一部份卻害怕一旦放掉虛妄的身分,真相會重返心中。如上引文所述,這恐懼會使我們盡做些讓自己心神不寧的事。這些都是我們的防衛機制;我們都有一個裝滿防衛機制的百寶袋,只要一害怕自己憶起上主,就會即刻掏出來應付。「回憶痛苦的往事」就是一個非常有效的防衛機制,是許多奇蹟學員的最愛。(多詭異啊,我們竟然自尋痛苦來應付恐懼!)因此,回憶過去是有目的的,為了把自己困在歷歷在目的陳年往事裡,好讓我們確信不疑:自己是一具身體,是曾發生在我身上的事件的受害者。同一種防衛的反面則是:記起自己曾多麼冷酷地加害別人。卻不知道這都是我們有意選擇的防衛機制(和所有其他的防衛機制一樣),耶穌在〈練習手冊〉136課開頭描述了這個重要的模式。他也在〈正文〉一段引人深思的段落(「當下的記憶」)中指出:「記憶是知見的過去式,兩者都具有選擇性質。」(T.28.I.2:5)否則,往事何其多,為什麼我們卻只會想起某幾件事?

      〈正文〉17章第3節「過去的陰魂」也對「小我如何用過去來鞏固人心中的分裂信念」有所啟發。〈正文〉其他段落中,耶穌闡述了小我利用時間的方式如何與聖靈大相逕庭。對小我來說,時間「不過是為你累積罪咎的一種工具罷了,等它惡貫滿盈時,就會招致永恆的報應。聖靈願意現在就幫你化解這一切。恐懼不可能來自現在,它來自那根本不存在的過去與未來。」(T.15.I.7:7; 8:1,2)〈正文〉在這一部分裡,討論小我如何窮凶惡極地貫徹它「罪咎必招天譴,地獄果報難逃」的教條;它精心設計出這線性時間觀以遂其目的。而聖靈則運用時間來教我們:只有跟隨祂,我們才能學到「永遠平安寧靜又無憂無慮」。 (T.15.I.1:1)

      一旦你了解了回憶往事的目的,就可以單純地正視整件事,把注意力放在這個目的上,甚於過去的傷痛。等你不再想藉回憶過往傷痛來達到從前的目的時,就會比較容易放下往事。但是,這些事若還會帶給你痛苦,就千萬別輕易說服自己它不存在,那樣只會使情況更糟。耶穌強調:「不要與自己交戰。」 (T.30.I.1:7)就允許自己還有防衛吧,因為防衛機制不是問題,問題在於我們認為必須防衛。然而,這是需要經年累月的操練才能化解的,同時你也得對自己耐下性子、溫柔對待自己:「這些防衛技倆,就像你所有的妄造一樣,必須慢慢轉為對你有益之事,聖靈會把你那些自我毀滅的技倆轉譯為保護你與釋放你的工具。」(T.14.VII.5:8)

      最後,當往事的痛苦逼得你無法正常生活時,不妨求助於心理治療師;這就和腳踝扭傷不良於行時應該看醫生沒有什麼兩樣。

    選自/ 奇蹟課程基金會問答服務
    翻譯/慧軍
    修訂/Robert、王詩萌


    Q: I understand that the basic goal of A Course in Miracles is to reorient perception, and from there, experience. However, while I can get a handle on this intellectually, I feel like I'm emotionally handicapped on this one. There are a number of things from my past which are still present in my mind, causing me severe bouts of depression at times, and I have a great deal of trouble releasing them. How can I let go of them? Do I simply “not think about them” anymore? Do I ignore them as “non-existent”? Every so often, these issues seem to pop back up, and I seem unable to recondition my own responses. They are making me extremely tired, and they have unpleasant effects in my relationships. Help!!!

    A: Bringing purpose into the picture is important for understanding what is happening. Jesus tells us, “The memory of God comes to the quiet mind. It cannot come where there is conflict, for a mind at war against itself remembers not eternal gentleness” (T.23.I.1:1,2) . Part of us wants to remember our true Identity in God, and part of is terrified of letting go of our false identity so that we would remember the truth. That fear causes us to do things that would prevent our minds from being quiet, as Jesus indicates in the quote. These are our defenses, and we all have a grab bag full of them that we pull out the instant this fear arises to threaten us. One very effective defense is to recall painful events from the past -- this is a “favorite” of many students. (How curious that we would resort to something painful to cope with fear!) Recalling the past thus is purposeful, for we then begin to obsess about what happened years ago, as if it were happening right now, and that leaves us with no doubt that we are bodies, the innocent victims of what has been done to us -- or we could remember how we cruelly victimized others. We don't realize that this is a defense that is consciously chosen, as are all defenses -- an important dynamic that Jesus describes at the beginning of Lesson 136 (W.pI.136) . He also points out in a thought-provoking section in the text, “The Present Memory,” that “remembering is as selective as perception, being its past tense” (T.28.I.2:5) . Why are only certain events of the past brought into awareness, when so many other things happened as well?

    The section in the text called “Shadows of the Past” (T.17.III) is likewise enlightening with respect to how the ego uses the past to reinforce in our minds our belief that we are separate. Elsewhere in the text Jesus teaches us about the ego's use of time in contrast to the Holy Spirit's. For the ego, time “is nothing but a teaching device for compounding guilt until it becomes all- encompassing, demanding vengeance forever. The Holy Spirit would undo all of this now . Fear is not of the present, but only of the past and future, which do not exist” (T.15.I.7:7; 8:1,2). The context of the discussion is the ego's ferocious need to keep alive its doctrine of sin, guilt, damnation, and hell. Linear time was devised by the ego for this purpose. The Holy Spirit, however, uses time to teach us how to learn only from Him so that we would have “no cares, no worries, no anxieties, but merely to be perfectly calm and quiet all the time” (T.15.I.1:1) .

    Once you realize the purpose of recalling the past, you can simply look at that and then dwell more on the purpose of these recollections, than on the past hurts. When you no longer want the purpose served by your remembrance of these hurts in the present, they will be easier to let go. But you never want to try to convince yourself that something is non-existent when it is still causing you pain. That will only worsen the situation. “ Do not fight yourself ,” Jesus emphasizes (T.30.I.1:7) . It is fine to have defenses. They are not the problem; the problem is our thinking that we need them. But that takes years of practice to undo, along with patience and gentleness with yourself: “ Defenses, like everything you made, must be gently turned to your own good, translated by the Holy Spirit from means of self-destruction to means of preservation and release” (T.14.VII.5:8) .

    Finally, it is sometimes a good idea to seek help from a therapist when events from the past are so painful and compelling that you are unable to function well. This would be no different from getting medical help for an ankle injury that prevents you from walking.



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